Trains, Planes and Jet Skis
Achieve the impossible. Or improbable. Whichever. Your limits are self-imposed.
This message was brought to you courtesy of an iTurd® GPS. First, what is an iTurd®?
Prefacing an explanation, here’s a half-secret. My husband is a cheapskate. Buying a generic iPad-like device directly from China, Beau thought he could cheat the system. The system, however, refuses to be cheated. You still get what you pay for. Although connecting to the Interwebz, this device disconnects when you attempt to load any new page. Equipped with a webcam, it will take grainy pictures, but it will not shoot videos or make video calls. (The “webcam” lacks that capability.) Finally, this device remains disoriented—when ascertaining its “current location,” the factory-installed GPS—regardless of its actual location—consistently recalls some address in China. Carefully considering its performance, we branded it the iTurd®. No amount of waving the device over our heads like an Etch-a-Sketch improves functionality.
Next, how do I extrapolate such motivational jabberwocky from an iTurd® GPS?
Our device emanates philosophical peace, decidedly rooted in Confucianism. Since the iTurd® GPS stubbornly clings to the belief that it’s still in China, we explored its ability to render directions to every U.S. citizen’s bank on 123 Main Street. In essence, the iTurd® responded, “You call me what? IN YOUR FACE.”
See? It’s THAT easy, so don’t complicate things when simple solutions exist. Oceans are easily crossed. As the iTurd® implies, no barrier is as deep and wide as we imagine; don’t be a putz.
